December 20, 2010 in Relationships


With all the change that has been going on in my life over the last couple of years, a recurring theme has been forgiveness. The early morning hours today really brought home the significance of forgiveness in the form of a dream.

The dream was beautiful and disturbing. I’m not going to share the details. All I can really say about it is that reflecting upon it has been quite profound.

Profound. That sums up the experience of forgiveness itself, I think. In learning how to forgive, we learn how to move forward. Without the capacity to forgive, we can never really grow into the person we wish to be because we’ll be held back by perceived sleights, pain and remorse.

For most of my life, forgiveness has not come easily. I think I got confused at some point between the important difference between not forgetting and not forgiving. It can be vital that we remember, but it’s equally as vital that we forgive.

Forgiving others is but one part of the equation; forgiving ourself is equally, if not more, important. A perfect example where self-forgiveness is crucial is when somebody is at the receiving end of abuse. It’s easy to see how we may have trouble forgiving those who abused us. It can be less easy to see that we can be terribly hard on ourself for allowing the abuse to happen in the first place.

In other areas, we may perpetually punish ourself for the hurt we’ve inflicted on others. This can especially be the case when harm comes despite our best intentions to the contrary. That certainly has been a part of my life, and learning to forgive myself as I am learning to forgive others continues to challenge me.

Last night’s dream gives me hope that I’m finally learning to let go of my anger, to allow myself to grieve as fully and as deeply as I need in order to heal completely.

That dream was beautiful and disturbing. Kind of like life.


  1. January 18, 2011 at 2:05 am



    oh holy moly is this resonating with me right now…. I need to forgive myself for an action that I allowed to happen and I just can’t seem to do it… I am sooo angry and confused at how, why, and ‘you Idiot!’
    I feel useless and just not worthy quite frankly – the only consolidation is that I am grieving, full on. But I can’t shake the feeling of the proverbial depression statement that “Things would just be so much better if I wasn’t around”. Like I said – the proverbial statement and I know I’m being just plain silly but damn am I hurting… blegh….
    I just hope that I can find something in me to allow this to pass… and usually it seems to be time who really does heal all wounds.

    Thanx for your post 🙂
    Thanx for reaching out…

    1. January 18, 2011 at 7:24 am



      Hi, Liv.

      I really hope that you find it within you to forgive yourself. Just the fact that you came here and read this article is proof that you’re working towards exactly that. And the fact that you’re here means that Source has guided you to this place. Why would Source guide you here to help facilitate your healing?

      Because you’re worthy.

      How beautiful is that? 🙂

      If you’re having difficulty forgiving yourself, I’d like to suggest that you give TAT a try. It’s a remarkably easy technique to learn and can offer amazingly fast results. I’ve written a bit more about it here in the article TAT – Another Tool in the Toolbox. The article has a link in it that lets you download a free booklet on how to do TAT.

      You may also consider a type of focused meditation, where you allow thoughts regarding the situation to come and go. With each in-breath, you “capture” the current thought and with each out-breath, you “release” it. The technique takes a little practice, but it can be wonderfully healing and a great addition to a healthful grieving process.

      If I can be of any assistance to guiding you through this process, please don’t hesitate to contact me.

      Love and Light, Liv. Love and Light.


      1. January 18, 2011 at 7:32 am



        BTW, in the meditation, if you’ve captured a particularly powerful thought, you may wish to sit with it for a while and hold it before releasing it. The longer we sit with a particular thought, without judging or analyzing it, the less power the thought has. The idea here is to sit with our thoughts until we stop reacting with them in the same old way. Once you feel the power of a particular thought shifting, you’re ready to try releasing it.

        Thoughts that have great power may be captured and released several times before they truly dissipate upon release. This is all a natural part of the process. Think of it as practice.


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